Life takes no prisoners.
Dreams don’t make themselves come true.
It’s easy to become mired in the day-to-day, isn’t it?
Two and a half years with Chroi now, and so many big life changes that came on her heels (fetlocks?). All this time passed, and what do I have to show for it?
In March we had a nasty driving wreck in which the cart tipped onto its side and I was ejected. We haven’t recovered from that. I’m quite stuck from it, really.
Moreover, I have been so caught up in making a driving pony that I’ve lost completely the original reason Chroi came into our family: she’s here for all of us, not just me and my crazy, now-broken dream of driving.
In fact, this whole idea of “driving” became so much bigger than I ever thought it would be. It has been so much harder, so much more involved, and has challenged me in ways I was wholly unprepared for. I almost wish I’d never started it.
I hope we’ll drive again, but I need to bring my kiddos & Chroi together more often. I need to let go of ‘expectations’ (really, my need to be a control freak) and my ideas of what ‘should’ be, and just let it all ride- perhaps quite literally. We need discipline to get back into cart, but we also need breathing space.
Life took a ridiculously different route from what I’d envisioned almost three years ago. Has it taken this long for the dust to settle, or have I just been lazy? Can I blame it on anything outside of myself, or is it all an inside job?